Appreciate What You Have

 
I weigh daily, and I record and chart those weights on various computer graphs and tables which serves to clearly show my weight-loss or weight-gain trends. Sometimes this is difficult to continue because it involves facing a reality which I don't personally care for.

7 years ago, I reached my goal weight of 115 lbs. Since that time I've consistently and continuously worked very hard to maintain that weight. Over the past 5 years in maintenance, .... despite my best efforts of working toward weight-loss and/or maintenance every single day ... my weight has been very gradually creeping upward. At present my weight is bouncing around in the high 120s, frequently reaching  the very top of my "normal" BMI range.

Over this past 7 years of maintenance while recording all of my food and calories daily, I've varied the amounts I've eaten; I've varied the types of foods I've eaten: I've varied my eating times. In fact  I have experimented with just about every diet possible... both the "reasonable", and the  "unreasonable".  I've tried more exercise and less exercise and different exercise.  I've tried eating less calories and more calories, while keeping my overall calorie averages within reasonably acceptable ranges for my own personal BMR. 

During each of the past 5 years, my daily calorie average has been around 1050, which ... quite frankly ... is just about the lowest average that I can maintain.  Over long time periods, sometimes my weekly averages are around 1200, sometimes they are around 800.  My weight bounces around - usually within a 5 lb range - but the yearly trend has continued to creep upward.

I really hate seeing this. Sometimes I'd like to just give up watching the scale, but my lifetime of experience has taught me what happens with me when I choose to follow that tactic.  So ... I'm working to emotionally Accept what is happening with my body, while -- at the same time -- I continue to do my utmost to physically Change it, and redirect the scale downward.

Sometimes it feels like I am being drug along to a place against my will, while I'm resisting with all my might, struggling, and clutching and clawing to any object that will slow or stop that progress. It's hard, and it's not a good feeling. Again and again I've watched as others about me -- also involved in a similar struggle, -- let go and ride passively into weight-gain oblivion, or give up and embrace behaviors that cause rapid weight-gain, and I feel alone and abandoned.

Some of the people who read my articles indicate that they dislike seeing "negativity".  My response is simply that I write about the Reality that I see and that I know.  DietHobby is primarily to help ME, although I'm pleased to share my thoughts with anyone who finds them useful or interesting.

What will happen to me?  Will my weight continue to creep upward?  Will it settle here? Will it go back down?  I don't know. I'm fighting tooth and claw against obesity, and my plan is to continue doing so.  The reason Why I do want to be a "normal" weight isn't even important to me anymore.  This process is simply a lifetime behavior commitment that I am choosing to follow through with.  

Right now, Today, I'm working to feel grateful for being inside my "normal" BMI range .. even though it is at the very Top instead of in the Middle. I'm working to Appreciate what I HAVE, before it becomes what I HAD.

My own resistance involves far more struggling than shown in the video below.