Created by Me

Sometime I daydream and create Castles-in-the-Air. 
Sometimes my thoughts are more realistic. Sometimes they are quite negative.
I work to remember that I experience the world through my thoughts, and that my thoughts create my feelings.

Once Upon A Time
                by Bonnie Jarvis

Once upon a time, I believed that it all occurred out there. Things happened … I reacted. Life was hard. I tried to control it all. It was hard. When things didn’t happen as I wanted, I got upset, frustrated, I cried out … in anger, in pain, in sorrow … it shouldn’t be like this. When things I believed caused my happiness were gone … I felt pain, sadness, what could I do?

Then I began to slowly understand … when things happen out there, I could choose how I reacted … or responded. I still tried to control the “out there” … but when things didn’t work out, I slowly understood I had the choice of how to respond. It was a little easier … not as frustrating as when I didn’t know I had a choice … about my experience.

As time went on, I understood I didn’t have to try and control the out there … the out there was … out there … and had little to do with me. But I got better at responding instead of reacting. And it got easier, less frustrating.

Now I see it is ALL in here … my experience of life, it is totally created inside me, within my reach.

Oh, don’t get me wrong … it sometimes still looks like its because of what’s happening out there … what makes me feel upset, or irritated, or even happy. But I now have a stronger understanding … I’ve played with it, tested it, experimented with observing my feelings and my thoughts.

So now, when the reason looks like it is out there … I can do things to clear my mind, like go for a walk or meditate. But the beauty of the way we humans work … is I can also do nothing in particular, because a new thought will come on its own … and I eventually remember … oh, I am feeling my thoughts about what’s out there. And this has brought more grace and ease … in knowing that its really all about what’s in here … in my thoughts, in my ability to believe or not to believe my thinking … in my willingness to let the thoughts pass, to let them go.

I don’t have to believe the meaning I innocently put on the thoughts … that cause the feelings … that can be high or low … and used to cause frustration from not understanding.

It is ALL from inside of me … my created experience … not from what happens out there.